Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Weekend of emotions

Well this weekend started off amazing!

Friday night I chilled out and watched Oz the Great and Powerful with B.  Saturday, woke up early, took C for a super long walk, then took a super long bike ride with B, then took C for another super long walk with my girlfriend.  C was completely knocked out!  After the second walk around 2:30pm we headed down the Jersey Shore to celebrate Father's Day with my Dad!  We didn't hit any traffic, I made sure to note that time we left to go down, because traffic to go down the Jersey Shore can be a biotch!  We had a great BBQ, chilled on the deck and left feeling healthy, but full!

Satuday night, BAM, I felt like I took a bullet.  B and I hit a really really rough night in our relationship.  I found myself unable to think, feel anything except anger and hurt.  I am not going to go into specifics, but it was bad.  I wasn't sure if I was going to put it out there, but the truth is the truth.  Sometimes relationships no matter how strong they feel are tested. 

The very next day B was out the door to Las Vegas.  He left late afternoon and I needed an escape.  I hit the movies, at 9am in the morning.  I sat there, probably looking like a pedophile, escaping to Monsters U, then I went to a different movie theater and sat and escaped to James Franco's house in This is the End.  I was able to laugh, I was able to forget, for just a couple of hours, but that was enough.  Enough for me to know that I am ok.  I will be ok.  I laughed. 

When it was time to get back to reality, I did.  I went home, B was off and as life stopped.  I didn't take calls, I didn't want to speak to anyone.  I wanted to understand what was going on.  I didn't eat.  That may be the only good side effect to getting really hurt, my appetite is gone.  I can't even swallow food, it makes me sick.  I slept.

Monday morning I woke up, still ignoring conversation.  I went to work.  I worked and slowly my head began to become less foggy.  A solution and a path was forming and I was feeling slightly better.  After work, I was ready for conversation.  I talked to my sister, she was amazing.  She confirmed my thoughts about what is the best course of action and she also listened to me.  I got to get it out.  It felt like a weight was lifted.  I talked to B, my love. 

I didn't get much exercise during the last two days, but I actually lost weight due to the whole not eating when stressed thing.  My appetite is coming back, but my heart is still hurt.  I do plan on exercising this week and getting some good runs in, but I just didn't have it in me the last couple of days.

Like I said before relationships, all relationships in life are work.  You have to put in the effort, you have to want to make it work, you have to have love.  I do not have all of the answers, but I am willing to try and find them.  Wish I had a happy update, but instead I just gave you a real one, warts and all.

"Love isn't always perfect.  It isn't a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn't always come easy.  Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go.  It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without.  Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because you did it together." - Ritu Ghatourey

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